Many years ago I went go-karting on the mainland with a couple of LADS. I took the corners with such enthusiasm that by the time I had finished, I felt like I had just completed 80 laps at Silverstone.
For this reason, it was a few years before I took up Wight Karting's kind invitation to test out their track on the edge of Ryde.
Our party of three included a nine year old, a 75 year old and myself, somewhere in the middle.
Wight Karting offer various track sessions for eight year olds upwards, so you won't end up with a cautious child being lapped 14 times by an aggressive pro on a stag do.
Our session was the 'family friendly' sort. My daughter was pleased to see that there were several other children of her age putting on the overalls and balaclava.
What this session meant in practice was that the karts were slowed down a little. Honestly though, they certainly felt fast enough. Mine went up to 35mph, which is a good speed when you are a few centimetres off the floor.
There was one other dad in the session, who I eyed up as my potential competition.
After the safety talk, I squeezed into the largest helmet available (I inherited a watermelon-sized head from my mother).
We completed a slow lap before we were off for our first of two 15 minute sessions. The track was a little wet so I happily slid around corners whilst also keeping half an eye on my daughter on her first karting experience. She took to it very well and happily accepted my thumbs up as I whooshed past her on the straight.
As we stepped out of the cars for the first session I was delighted to find that my legs hadn't gone wobbly.
I excitedly took hold of my lap times.
If I was putting a positive spin on things I would tell you that I recorded the second best time amongst the 10 racers. A more honest summary would explain that Rival Dad had beaten me by a full second and that most of the other racers were still in primary school.
We cooled off on the balcony for a few minutes and discussed racing strategy. Was it best to take a corner wide and fast or slam the brakes on and take it tighter?
The second racing session was soon upon us. On this occasion, I was placed in pole position (randomly, rather than because I had done anything to deserve it). This was my chance to obliterate Rival Dad's time with no other cars to get in my way.
I rattled round the track whilst picturing myself on the podium outside in the sunshine (they even sell a bottle of Brut for the celebration if you fancy it). Did I picture Rival Dad stood lower down on the podium, whilst a single tear rolled down his cheek? Of course I didn't, I'm a grown up and that would be embarrassing.
At one stage, I entered into a thrilling duel with another racer which resulted in their car spinning out and me disappearing into the distance. As I sped away I realised that my competitor was a four foot tall female in a junior kart. This may not have been my finest moment...but I remain confident that a steward's enquiry would fall in my favour.
Anyway, we stepped off the track and I lunged for the racing times handout with far too much enthusiasm.
Remarkably, I had shaved a full four seconds off my best time from the first session. It took all of my self control to avoid punching the air and screaming "justice!!".
It was at this point that I noticed that Rival Dad had also shaved four seconds off his best time, meaning he had still beaten me by a second.
Victory had been taken from my grasp.
On the plus side, I did have a cool souvenir balaclava which I will be able to use for winter walks in the next few weeks.
Thanks again to the team at Wight Karting for a great morning.
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