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  • Home
  • Why you should visit the Isle of Wight
  • Ferry travel advice & discounts
    • Discount Isle of Wight ferry travel
    • Isle of Wight ferry beginners guide
    • Wightlink's Tesco Clubcard deal – is it the best discount?
    • Using Wightlink’s Multilink deal for cheap ferry travel
    • Cheap Isle of Wight ferry travel for caravans
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      • Which Isle of Wight holiday park should I stay in?
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      • Major festivals and carnivals
      • Isle of Wight Festival 2021 lineup and tickets
      • 10 unforgettable Isle of Wight Festival moments
      • Isle of Wight Festival History
      • Cowes Week - attractions and accommodation
    • Free days out & attraction discounts >
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      • Activities for toddlers on the Isle of Wight
      • Activities for children and families on the Isle of Wight
      • Activities for teenagers on the Isle of Wight
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      • Activities for an Isle of Wight stag do
      • Surviving an Isle of Wight holiday with a toddler
    • Quirky days out >
      • 10 quirky days out on the Isle of Wight
      • 10 things you can't do on the Isle of Wight
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      • Isle of Wight TV & Movie Tour
      • 10 reasons to visit the Isle of Wight
    • Days out in Ryde, Sandown, Shanklin, Ventnor >
      • 10 things to do in Bembridge, St Helen's and Seaview
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      • Rainy day activities on the Isle of Wight
      • Itinerary for a rainy Isle of Wight holiday
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    • Zoos, historic attractions, gardens >
      • Isle of Wight zoos and animal attractions
      • Historic attractions on the Isle of Wight
      • 10 Isle of Wight Gardens and Parks
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      • The Isle Spy car journey game
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    • Which is the best Isle of Wight beach for...
    • Isle of Wight Beaches Interactive Map
    • Isle of Wight tide times
    • Isle of Wight weather forecast
    • Isle of Wight surf forecast
    • The beach holiday checklist - 5 accessories
    • Mobile version of Isle of Wight Best Beaches
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    • Public transport
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Isle of Wight Guru

Top Gear on the Isle of Wight, starring Red Funnel and the Military Road

17/3/2016

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Back in 2002 or thereabouts, Top Gear did a short feature on the Isle of Wight. It was only a five minute wonder featuring Clarkson driving around and saying risque things, but I only recently saw it myself and it did inspire a new game which I'm developing called "Isle of Wight on TV Bingo".

You see, it turns out that almost every time the Isle of Wight appears in the background of a Mary Berry cookery programme, a tedious One Show feature or a grey horror film, the same few elements are featured.
​We always start with a shot of the ferry, or occasionally several ferries in a confusing order (as in Fragile). In the Top Gear feature, it was a Red Funnel ferry, which was notable for being otherwise completely empty. Perhaps the producers feared that Clarkson would not be keen to queue for the hot food onboard (sorry, that's a cheap dig, for which I feel a little dirty). 
Aston Martin on a Red Funnel ferry
The Aston Martin's private ferry
Following this, the Aston Martin took a drive around East Cowes, and then Cowes before engaging in a strange discussion about whether a local resident would rather have a house in Gurnard or an Aston Martin. I am a very boring person who was just thinking about a) the practicalities of living in a cramped sports car and b) the depreciation of the car in contrast to the growth of the Gurnard housing market since 2002. I think I may have missed the point.
Aston Martin in Cowes High Street
The Aston Martin drives through Cowes, starring a man with classic yachty shorts.
Another Isle of Wight TV appearance favourite is the sweeping shot of the Military Road. In Fragile they somehow made the whole thing look pretty dreary whilst in Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson seemed confused as to which side of the road he should be driving on.
Aston Martin on the Military Road
Jeremy Clarkson confuses the Isle of Wight with France
Finally there was an entertaining snippet which broke from the norm and involved Clarkson drove along the seawall at Freshwater Bay, which I would advise against.
Aston Martin at Freshwater Bay
Clarkson decides to ignore the restrictions of roads altogether and drives along the seawall at Freshwater
Other favourites which weren't featured were the classic shot of The Needles and the Alum Bay chairlift or a fudge box shot of Godshill, which usually pads out a few seconds. 

The problem with this TV-by-numbers is that they paint the Isle of Wight to be a bit limited in its appeal. You rarely see TV producers making any kind of effort to dig out other natural wonders or curiosities.

The problem isn't unique to the Isle of Wight. Try to find a national TV piece about Brighton which doesn't start with a shot of the Pier, or a feature based in Blackpool which doesn't include the presenter scoffing an ice cream with the Tower in the background (usually whilst tenuously comparing the cost of donkey rides to the challenges facing the Labour party).

Come on TV producers. How about featuring The Pepperpot near St Catherine's Lighthouse? Or Bembridge Windmill? Or Kitesurfing at Brook Chine? Or canoeing into smugglers caves at Freshwater? Or the golden sands of Priory Bay or Whitecliff Bay? Or the rarely seen coastline of Whale Chine or Hamstead? Or Bestival?

Until then, I will continue to develop the Isle of Wight TV Bingo game before launching it with a feature for the One Show starring Gyles Brandreth onboard the Alum Bay chairlift.
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​Fragile - a belated Isle of Wight related film review

8/3/2016

1 Comment

 
It somehow passed me by that the Isle of Wight was the location for Fragile - a horror film in 2005 starring Calista Flockhart. I was mostly on the mainland at the time, but I was back home regularly and was something of a film fan at the time (though not a film buff by any means), but I guess it didn’t quite make it to a widescale theatrical release.

Anyway, 11 years later I finally got around to watching it.

The general idea of the film is that nurse Calista Flockhart plods around a dilapidated Isle of Wight hospital, looking more miserable than the patients whilst unpleasant things start to happen to the children. Slow piano music and the decision to filter out most of the colour in the film turns it into something of a misery-fest which I found myself fast forwarding through after 20 minutes.

Things did finally pick up and it became moderately intriguing, but don’t expect great things from a film which was clearly scrabbling around for complimentary reviews to fill up the front cover. The best available was ‘Gorezone Magazine’ (no, me neither) declaring it the ‘most relentlessly scary movie of the year’.

But of course, I wasn’t all that interested in the actual plot, and was much more curious about the background scenes.
The first glimpse of my beloved Isle of Wight was the ferry crossing – classic intro stuff for any film or TV programme featuring the Isle of Wight. Usually we see The Hairy Bikers or Mary Berry or whoever arriving in glorious sunshine, but in this case we see a bizarre medley of ferry companies and crossings.
Wightlink ferry
First, there’s a brief shot of a Wightlink car ferry...
Red Osprey car ferry with a buoy
...in a flash it has turned into a Red Funnel car ferry...
Closeup of the Red Osprey
...where we see a nice sweeping closeup...
Calista Flockhart on Red Osprey
...and we then see Calista sat up on deck on the Red Osprey on the kind of gloomy day that we like to tell tourists doesn’t really exist on the Isle of Wight. Despite being a foot passenger she took ‘the slow boat’, which was presumably a conscious decision to save a fiver on a nurse’s wage..
Car on Ryde Pier
...Next, Cheery Calista walks off the Red Funnel ferry and is picked up in East Cowes by a guy from the Batman film and then takes a rather confusing drive along Ryde Pier (where the Wightlink catamaran docks as I’m sure you’re aware)...
Picture
...before heading along the top of the Military Road in what my father would have called ‘the scenic route’ (which I now realise was a euphemism for saying that he was lost).
In between shots of Calista looking worried at the odd bed sheet flapping, lift collapsing or blood spurting we get to see a couple of shots of Union Street in Ryde, another couple of shots of the Compton Farm area and a residential street which I must admit I didn’t recognise. If it was on the Island I’d guess it was Ryde.

According to Wikipedia, the outside shots of the hospital are Berkshire. No signs of St Mary’s Hospital or the famous Koan I’m afraid.

There wasn’t a whiff of sunshine, which I suppose might ruin the mood of a dreary ghost story, but it might have cheered me up at least.

I don't want to ruin the grand finale for anyone else who has been planning on watching Fragile, but hasn't quite managed it in the last 11 years...but the whole thing is about as much fun as a punch in the face. 

Perhaps becoming a parent has made me a little less tolerant of horror films about children in anguish but nowadays I'd much rather watch a slightly rose tinted view of the Isle of Wight where the sun always shines and everything happens in slow motion. Something like this by SBG films:
Cheer up world.
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