I only have vague memories of Harcourt Sands Holiday Park whilst growing up on the Isle of Wight. I remember messing around on a playground there during a birthday party, and I discovered evidence whilst clearing out that I spent a day there as part of a Boys’ Brigade weekend in the mid 90s.

I’ll admit these are not heartwarming anecdotes of a bygone day but there’s a lot of affection for the site in Puckpool which now lies derelict and feels like an enormous waste of a prime seaside location.

Some of the videos and comments on YouTube offer the kind of affection you might expect following the death of a beloved aunt ("The memories with everyone will never be forgotten") as well as tales of people meeting their spouses in Whites.
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According to various sources online it was two sites - St Clare and Puckpool – before merging in the 1990s and shutting in 2006.

According to the uploader, this film shows it a couple of years before closure in around 2004. Just look at all those smiling faces...

Since then, various videos have appeared showing the whole site in its abandoned state. I'm a sucker for these videos, which make an empty site look like a sequel to the Blair Witch Project. 

A few years later a plan emerged to turn the site into '128 residential dwellings, alongside a tourism proposal that would comprise either a 63 bed hotel or 15 holiday units'. 

The recent news was that the developer had given up on that plan. At the time of writing, 2.8 acres of the site is up for sale for £350,000 with plans for a hotel.

One article quoted a local councillor who said that 'I would like to see housing there, as it would be a nice spot to live, and by just being empty it is affecting all the businesses in Ryde' and that 'I think the days of holiday camps are gone'.

Personally I have been hoping it might become a holiday park once again since most holiday parks have moved on a long way since the days of knobbly knee competitions and damp caravans.

Modern parks have a mix of posh lodges and cheap caravans as well as loads to do onsite. Hotels are great if you're a loved up couple but for families with young children a decent holiday park is ideal. 

Holiday parks offer self catering accommodation so you don't have to ask the hotel to cook you chicken nuggets at 4.15pm and you get access to an indoor swimming pool in case it rains all week.

And holiday parks are big business too. The company which owns Butlins and Haven made £160m profit recently. In 2015 Parkdean Resorts merged with Park Resorts (owner of four Isle of Wight parks) to create a "£1bn company" (The Guardian). The big parks regularly invest in upgrades which must help the local economy too.

I'd be delighted if a big holiday park company decided to buy up the Harcourt Sands site. Haven - for example - has no presence on the Isle of Wight, many of their sites are right by the sea and they are still opening new parks (Thornwick Bay in Yorkshire opened in 2016).

Sure, there's probably more money in housing but is anyone on YouTube going to make heartfelt tribute videos about a housing estate? 

I don't like buses very much. 

I can see the planet saving potential and I've enjoyed the open top ones in summer but a pair of vintage Bedfords don't make my heart beat faster. 

So it was a little odd to find myself in the Isle of Wight Bus Museum recently, climbing on-board a selection of old vehicles. 

The first reason was because it was pouring with rain and we felt we had to do something. Before children we'd have cleared out the attic or fallen asleep on the sofa but now it's easier to do something than nothing. 

The second reason was because it was free, which is my favourite four letter word. 

Thankfully it was pretty interesting, and we were certainly made to feel welcome. A cheery volunteer gave us a talk as we arrived which was short enough that I didn't start tapping my feet and coughing (I rather suspect he tailored his talk when he gathered that he wasn't meeting a fellow enthusiast).

We then spent about half an hour looking at the collection of buses, and another half hour in the children's room colouring in pictures of buses (obviously). Thankfully there was a grandparent on hand for some role play games on-board the buses, so I didn't have to. 

I enjoyed looking at the old tourism adverts and boards from the 70s and 80s advertising trips to Blackgang Chine and Godshill. 

The museum is also involved in the Beer and Buses Weekend in October which is another unusually good value event. Hundreds of men and women (although mostly men to be honest) tour the Island on vintage buses, stopping off to drink real ale in village pubs. In 2017 you just paid for a programme and then the bus rides were free. 

My bus fandom hasn't quite grown enough to join in with that in October, but give it another couple of years and I'll be boarding a 1960s Bedford and enjoying a pint of Parson's Eyepatch.

So what can we conclude? Well, firstly it's apparent that I'm a bit of a nerd for wasting my time on this.

Also this is clearly only a snapshot. We could have looked at different time limits and some places (like Brighton) have a complex system of zones which makes it cheaper in other car parks further from the sea. Others offer different rates at different times of year.

For what it's worth, the Isle of Wight is still one of the cheapest (*shhh, don't tell the Council*).

I suspect local authorities do the same study and justify a price rise by saying everyone else is doing it. ​I appreciate that councils have been desperate for cash ever since the economy was ruined by a load of bankers (only one letter out, right? Arf arf). And I'm not one of these people who expects councils to provide social care, playgrounds, toilets and everything else on a budget of £13 a year.

According to On The Wight, Isle of Wight car parks raised £4.2m in 2016/2017 with a total budget of about £150m so it's clearly a big chunk of their income.

I'm certainly no expert on this but I wonder if there's an opportunity to influence behaviour through variable parking prices (crumbs, that was a very dull sentence, isn't this supposed to be a lighthearted blog?).

Bumping up seafront parking charges has always felt like a false economy since the less it costs, the longer you stay - and the aim should be to get seaside visitors to hang around all day.

I spend several seconds staring at the parking price board  clutching my pennies and trying to work out the minimum spend I can get away with. Sometimes there are 3 or 4 of us staring upwards in the same direction as if we are waiting for a solar eclipse.

If you aren't rushing back to the car park in Shanklin you are throwing more into the 2p machines, eating more ice creams and hiring more pedalos. You can lose track of time and decide you might as well stay for lunch in a seafront cafe. The traders survive and the council sees the benefit in other taxation.

I'm not saying it should be free, but why not offer a reasonably priced fixed rate which applies whether you stay for an hour or all day? If you're visiting a resort for the first time you might not actually know what there is to do and how long you'll need to stay. And I can't imagine there are many people popping to Shanklin seafront to run a 20 minute errand.

For town centre shopping, I've always thought that councils would see the benefit of offering an hour or two for free, with charges for anyone staying for longer. It's a well worn argument but why would you pay £2 or £3 to visit four shops in the high street when you can park for free at Asda and get everything from there? Or just buy it from Amazon and get it delivered?

Anyway, my plan is to start working on a map of free and cheap car parks on the Isle of Wight. It'll be multicoloured with little flags and a complicated key and a five star rating system.

Or perhaps I need a hobby.

There is probably a better way to express this, but I am currently freezing my bits off on a dreary January day. The thought of digging out my shorts and sandals seems like a distant dream. 

Regardless, there's been a flurry of announcements recently about summer festivals for 2018 on the Isle of Wight.

The biggest one will be the Isle of Wight Festival in June which is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. Of course, it all went a bit quiet from 1971 - 2001 and the venue has changed but it's still an occasion worth celebrating. The headliners (Kasabian, The Killers, Liam Gallagher and Depeche Mode) are - in my opinion - an excellent selection.

Kasabian have appeared a couple of times before (2007 and 2011) and The Killers headlined in 2013 whilst the others are making their first appearance.

My test for gauging a festival line up is to ask my mother if she has heard of the headliners. Her musical taste starts and stops at Cliff Richard whilst her TV viewing is limited to Sunday evenings. 

She had heard of one and a half of the headliners, which is pretty good going (she knows who Liam Gallagher is and gave a half to Depeche Mode). 

Some mainland friends have inconsiderately decided to get married at the same time, so I now find myself wondering if I could hire a helicopter to get me to at least some of the festival.

Eklectica

Elsewhere, it is great to see the return of Eklectica at Robin Hill in September 2018, which started up when Bestival set sail for Dorset last year. 2017's festival was battered by terrible weather so I'm pleased to see they're giving it another go.

So far, the lineup includes The Fratellis, The Hoosiers, Scouting for Girls and Toploader. Last year's main stage was made up of tribute acts so I personally think it's a step up (let's not forget that the first year of Bestival was considerably smaller than its later peak. Anyone expecting Snoop Dogg or Elton John to appear on the lineup for the first year of a festival is a bit naive in my opinion). 

Jack Up The 80s

Another returning festival is Jack Up The 80s in August, which has recently announced T'Pau, Leo Sayer, Toyah, Chesney Hawkes, Jaki Graham and 5ive.

Admittedly Chesney Hawkes is more of a 90s act and 5ive now appear to be Thr33 in the promo photos but it's exciting to see another mid-sized festival with big plans for 2018. 

Also confirmed...

According to organisers, Fairweather Festival will also return in 2018 and will expand to two days at the end of August/start of September. We don't have any lineup details yet but they managed to persuade Professor Green to get on the ferry last year so hopefully it will be pretty decent. 

Rhythm Tree festival has also been confirmed for 2018 (July 13-15), although there are no lineup details as far as I can tell.

Ventnor Fringe has confirmed its dates for 2018 (August 7 - 12) and is currently inviting acts to apply.

Our full list of festivals and major events on the Isle of Wight in 2018 can be found here....

​As I've explained before, I had a long phase of only visiting one of the Isle of Wight's beaches. 

We thought of nothing but Compton Bay and called it 'The Beach' as if there were no other beach on the Island (with apologies to Jane Austen for that plagiarism).

My parents were a bit more ambitious, taking us to any of the beaches that didn't get especially busy, such as Whale Chine or Binnels Bay. But after a while we got in a bit of rut to the extent that we even sat in the same spot on Compton Bay like a churchgoer with a reserved pew. Sometimes I could still see my bottom imprint in the sand from the previous visit.

The adjacent Brook Chine only became a favourite more recently and so we set off for a walk on one of the final evenings of decent sunshine before the nights started getting darker. 

There are a couple of things which tend to keep us away from Brook Chine. They'll sound like whinges but they really aren't.

Firstly, it's a designated kitesurfers' beach so swimming does carry the risk of getting your head taken off like a slice of cheddar with one of those fancy cheese cutters. I'm not complaining about that, kitesurfing looks like great fun and I'm all for enthusiasts being given a space to show off/fall off. I'd just rather leave the beach with all my bodyparts attached.

Secondly, Brook is a dog-friendly beach all year round. That's great news for dog owners who have to put up with lots of summertime restrictions elsewhere, but as a non-dog owner I tend to pick the beaches where my picnic won't be licked by an intruder.

Anyway, Brook Chine was looking beautiful on this particular evening with a low tide showing off its rocky bed. Most daytime visitors had gone home and the sun was dropping. I'm not much of a photographer, but even a monkey with a camera could have come up with something decent.

At one point my brother sent me a banal message asking what paint we had used in the hallway, or something similar. I swiftly sent him a photo back of the view and told him to stop interrupting my 'wow moment'. He was rightfully apologetic. 

We've had a couple of moments on the Isle of Wight recently where we've ended up discussing why we are all alone.

I don't mean that in a philosophical sense where we were questioning the existence of a higher power. I just wondered how we managed to find such a pretty spot, at such an idyllic time without anyone else having the same idea.

The first was at Compton Bay when we were swimming in the sea at about 7pm on a summer's evening. The daytime visitors had left the beach and were now applying after-sun lotion, and we had a huge stretch of the beach and water to ourselves.

We took the opportunity to behave like six-year olds at a birthday party, by which I mean we jumped around and squealed enthusiastically in the water.

The second time was later in the summer when we walked up to the Tennyson Monument. I'd been attempting to do the same walk for a few years but had either been put off by aggressive looking cows (in the field) or children who wouldn't go to bed (in our house). 

Anyway, we parked at the Freshwater Bay car park which is free in the evenings. There was some sort of friendly gathering at the beach which involved singing and a barbecue. I briefly considered blagging myself a hot dog, but remembered that I had eaten pudding 20 minutes earlier so thought better of it. 

We started plodding up the hill, and were soon walking backwards to admire the view down towards the beach. As we reached the top, the sun was setting and we had the whole place to ourselves. 

Where was everyone else? Was there an England match on that I had forgotten about? And if so, why would anyone want to watch it considering the recent lacklustre performances by a team who have failed to perform at a major tournament since 1996? 

Anyway, I digress.

My theory is that there are so many nice spots for an evening on the Isle of Wight that you can quite easily find one for yourself. There isn't just one beach or sunset where you'll find crowds of people.

Or maybe everyone's at home watching a feature on The One Show about the great outdoors? Who knows.

I waited with some trepidation as my four year old chose which item she wanted to paint at Chessell Pottery in the West Wight. I had my eye on the £10 unicorn, but the £40 teapot was fighting for attention (there's also a studio fee of about £7 per painter, in case you are planning your trip).

Thankfully all parents have the same skills as a magician who is trying to persuade you to pick the seven of diamonds. You may think it was your choice of card, but really it was the magicians. 

The unicorn was chosen, my wallet sighed with relief and the rest of the visitors remained unaware of the mastery they had just witnessed.

It was the first time in ages I'd been to Chessell Pottery and we'd chosen the busiest day in months. The rain had reached knee deep proportions and everyone else had seemingly had the same idea. 

Despite the crowds of amateur artists we found a seat in the large pottery painting barn and my daughter happily splodged away until her unicorn was complete. The couple next to us was taking it more seriously, meticulously decorating a plate and mug. At their current pace I guessed they had been there at least three days and were surviving on a lemon drizzle cake diet.

My daughter handed over her masterpiece with great pride and was instructed to return in three days when it would be glazed and ready to take away. Needless to say she reminded us regularly that we would need to return. 

Besides the pottery there's also a nice cafe and a shop selling stuff at the posh end of the souvenir market. Don't come here looking for a 30p stick of rock and a nodding dog. 

Three days later we returned and dropped the unicorn in the car park. It smashed into a thousand pieces and my daughter cried all the way home. 

Actually that last bit didn't happen thankfully. I clutched the unicorn  carefully and it now sits proudly next to her Alum Bay sand teddy bear, on her shelf reserved for lovingly created holiday tat.

The Isle of Wight is well equipped with minigolf courses (see our children's days out guide for a list). If I was more entrepreneurial I'd organise a tour so that middle-aged men could stay in posh hotels, wear pringle jumpers and then see who was best at hitting a pink golf ball up a ramp. ITV4 might even televise it.

We recently tried out two of the Island's courses at Rylstone Gardens and Shanklin Seafront. To add to the challenge I decided to carry a baby in a sling whilst I played. I've never seen pro golfers do this but it does create an excellent excuse if you don't win. 

First up was Rylstone Gardens which has proper Isle of Wight cutesy charm. I'd stick it in that category of those old fashioned Isle of Wight attractions which appear to be a hobby which got out of hand (there's a random collection of chimney pots at Blackgang Chine which also has this feeling about it).

The 18 holes at Rylstone Gardens resemble the kind of thing my grandad used to build in his shed for the amusement of his grandchildren (and his own amusement I'm sure). He was a dentist and I once asked where a piece of his antique dentistry equipment had gone. He pointed to a wooden dolls house he was building and told me he had needed the wood.

At Rylstone Gardens, bits of drainpipe have been repurposed for golfing amusement, signs are carefully handwritten. The whole thing feels wonderfully homemade and it's well maintained with lovingly grown flowers and vegetables adding to the feeling that you have wandered into someone's back garden. 

It's pretty cheap too, with a family of four costing £10 when we visited. There's also a cafe for non golfers who prefer pudding to putting. 

For the record, Mrs Guru won by one point thanks to an appalling 11 shot final hole on my part. Daughter one won in the under 18s category. 

A couple of days later we were on a gloomy Shanklin Seafront trying out the new Jurassic Bay minigolf. 

This one is very much at the other end of the minigolf market with an impressive course which has clearly cost thousands to put together. There are Blackgang Chine-style fibreglass dinosaurs, roaring noises and a green pond in the middle. It's a big visual upgrade from the course which was previously on the site. 

Of course you pay a premium for the location and the roaring dinosaurs with an adult ticket costing £6.50 when we visited - almost twice as much as Rylstone Gardens. 

Personally I like minigolf holes which involve tricky curves, ramps and tunnels. Some of the holes were a bit simple for my liking but they went down well with the four year old and the holes certainly got more interesting as we went along. The one with a water feature was a nice touch along with the one which looked like a section of  a Nascar racetrack. 

On this occasion I was victorious over Mrs Guru, though I suspect she may have let me have this one for the sake of a pleasant journey home. She was carrying two bags and a scorecard and whilst I could have offered to help, I wasn't sure my ego could take another defeat. 

Daughter one was once again victorious as the only competitor in the under 18s category, thanks largely to her croquet style of putting and occasional requests to move the ball closer to the hole.

So which did we prefer? On balance I'd say Jurassic Bay, just because of all the small details and because like most manboys, I love dinosaurs. For value for money though I'd certainly say Rylstone Gardens is worth a go. If you time it right you can listen to a brass band tooting away on a Sunday afternoon whilst you putt in the sunshine.