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10 things you can't do on the Isle of Wight
Seeing as this website makes many extravagant claims about all the free things to do on the Isle of Wight (as well as activities for teenagers and activities for a rainy day) we thought it was only fair to confess all the things that you can't do.
1. Drive on a motorway
Motorway driving...not on the Isle of Wight
If you're a fan of standing on motorway bridges whilst writing down the cab numbers of HGVs then the Isle of Wight isn't for you. Alas, there is no equivalent of the M25 which circles Newport (although Coppins Bridge has similar qualities). Nor is there the equivalent of the M1 to get you from Ventnor to Cowes in 13 minutes. The roads are a bit creaky and bumpy and don't really go in very straight lines. The only dual carriageway is about a quarter of a mile long and it only has a national speed limit for about eight seconds.
2. See a grey squirrel
We have superior red squirrels. Photo by Kate Bucci
Red squirrels are beautiful, shy creatures with big bushy tails unlike their grey counterparts which are much more common and rat-like. The Isle of Wight is thought to be grey-free thankfully, although according to the Wight Squirrel Project, ' a grey does find it’s way to the Island sometimes'. Islanders take this kind of thing seriously - don't even think about bringing your pet grey squirrel on holiday, or you could face up to two years in prison. For advice on seeing red squirrels see our guide to free days out on the Isle of Wight.
3. Shop at John Lewis
Waitrose, yes...John Lewis, no.
Whilst the Isle of Wight is pretty well stocked for shops it doesn't have a John Lewis or a Debenhams. It also doesn't have an IKEA or an Asda (as yet) and it doesn't have a Homebase or a Home Bargains. Or a Wilkinsons for that matter.
If you can't cope with that for a week then I suggest you stay at home.
Or you could just visit the John Lewis website and then pick up your order from Waitrose in East Cowes. See our supermarket guide.
If you can't cope with that for a week then I suggest you stay at home.
Or you could just visit the John Lewis website and then pick up your order from Waitrose in East Cowes. See our supermarket guide.
4. Drive for more than 56 minutes
Assuming you don't get lost at Coppins Bridge or get stuck in August traffic then the longest journey on the Isle of Wight - from Alum Bay to Bembridge - will take you less than an hour. That means that if you live somewhere towards the middle, such as Newport then you are never going to have a journey of more than 30 minutes for a day out or a commute. Some people might find that a bit restrictive but personally I think it's rather convenient.
5. Watch a League Football Match
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Most Islanders travel to Southampton (yey) or Portsmouth (boo) if they want to watch professional football. At the time of writing (16/17 season), Newport (IW) FC are playing in the Sydenhams Wessex League Premier which is the ninth tier in the FA's league system. Cowes Sports are in the same league. East Cowes Vics Athletic are in the Wessex Division One. I'm a bit out of touch with non-league football so apologies if I've missed any of the bigger teams out.
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RELATED GUIDE FROM THE ISLE OF WIGHT GURU
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6. Study at the Isle of Wight University
Everywhere seems to have a university nowadays, even places that you've never heard of. The Isle of Wight has stuck to its guns and has not got a university. You can study university courses through the Isle of Wight College but your degree is approved by a mainland university.
7. Get to Newport by train
The good ol' days
Newport is the County capital but it doesn't have a train station. The only modern train on the Isle of Wight covers the east coast, starting from Ryde Pier Head and wiggling down to Sandown and Shanklin. Back in the Good Ol' Days (TM), you could get a train from Newport to Cowes, Freshwater, Ventnor, Sandown or Ryde.
The substantial Isle of Wight train network was mostly closed in the 1950s and 1960s. The Newport station was closed in 1966.
The substantial Isle of Wight train network was mostly closed in the 1950s and 1960s. The Newport station was closed in 1966.
8. Go skiing in the summer
Bad news if you planned to improve your skiing whilst on holiday on the Isle of Wight - the Island doesn't have an artificial slope and it gets snow less frequently than much of England thanks to its slightly warmer climate. The closest alternative is Mountain Boarding.
9. Climb a mountain
The South Wight is very hilly with plenty of chances to test out the strength of the first gear in your car but the Isle of Wight does not have a mountain. The highest point is at St Boniface (see map below), which is (according to a couple of sources) 241m high. According to Wikipedia, that makes it a Marilyn. The UK government defines a mountain as 600m, although one source says that 300 metres is enough 'if it's an abrupt difference in the local topography'.
St Boniface Down - the Isle of Wight's highest point. It's no mountain though...
10. Host the entire population of the world
12 people in a metre square
A lot of people have heard this 'fact' but according to my calculations it is no longer true.
In our scientific test (photographed) we managed to squeeze 12 people into a metre square - including three small children, zero obese people and plenty of hugging. 18 just isn't achievable without building a human pyramid.
However...this claim seems to have been around for years and it is much more plausible if we use population data from 1980.
Conclusion - no, it's possible anymore. My guess is that it stopped being possible some time around 1981 or possibly earlier.
- The global population is about 7.131 billion (source: Wikipedia) or 7 131 000 000
- The Isle of Wight is 384 square kilometres (source: Wikipedia) or 384 000 000 square metres (the Island is 22.8 miles/36.7 kilometres east to west and 13.2 miles/21.2 kilometres north to south)
- 7 131 000 000 divided by 384 000 000 is 18.57 people per square metre
In our scientific test (photographed) we managed to squeeze 12 people into a metre square - including three small children, zero obese people and plenty of hugging. 18 just isn't achievable without building a human pyramid.
However...this claim seems to have been around for years and it is much more plausible if we use population data from 1980.
- The global population in 1980 was 4.454 billion (source: Infoplease, rounded to 3 decimal places) or 4 454 000 000 .
- The Isle of Wight's size in 1980 was still 384 square kilometres (I'm sure there's been a little bit of erosion to the south west coast but let's ignore that) or 384 000 000 square metres.
- 4 454 000 000 divided by 384 000 000 is 11.5 people per square metres.
Conclusion - no, it's possible anymore. My guess is that it stopped being possible some time around 1981 or possibly earlier.
